The Importance of a Detour

This last week I had planned on making an exciting road trip across country.  I am a huge road trip person.  Ever since I was twenty, I've taken one, two or sometimes three big road trips a year.  It is the best way to see our country and leads to spontaneity and experiences that we may have not been exposed to if we were taking a different way of travel.


Well this road trip was going from Wisconsin Dells to Austin, TX and then onto San Antonio through El Paso and then finally to Los Angeles for a few weeks and then back through Colorado.  Even though this was my plan, something much greater than me was saying my plan was wrong. 


I should have been more vulnerable to the things happening around me in the days leading up to the trip.  My car is not at the full potential of a car that is going to be driving across country but I didn't focus on that point. I decided to get fixed only the parts necessary to get from point a to point b.  This would mean taking a trip with no cruise control and not air conditioning; not my one of my best ideas. The finish to admitting that this idea wasn't a thoroughly planned trip was that as I was leaving my grandmother's house, my car completely stopped.  I was in reverse when the connection from the battery was interrupted.  I called the mechanic and he rushed over to my assistance.  With no more red flags, I took off for my trip.


I was moving smoothly until I was half way through Iowa.  Just as I was getting into the Des Moines city limits, my car started to lose acceleration.  I was pushing on the gas but the car wasn't moving any faster.  This was also in the middle of a storm and I figured maybe my car was hydroplaning and I just was over reacting but when my car was dead on the side of the road, I realize that I was under reacting.  


I sat there for about three minutes and then began to think of the next thing to do.  I didn't panic, but I couldn't think of what I should be doing.  I should have thought to call 911  but that didn't even come to mind.  Thankfully a man pulled up in his red truck who happened to be a mechanic.  He looked under the hood quickly and then had me try to get the car going but it just wasn't working.  Then the hail began and he jumped in the car and called 911 for me. With this phone call, he also got the emergency road service dispatched.  A state trooper showed up who then waited until my tow truck arrived.


The storm finally let up and before I knew it, I was in Howard's tow truck on my way to an area that had a Firestone, Sears and some a selection of hotels to choose from because it was looking like I was staying Des Moines for the night.  Howard was the driver's name and not the company name.  It's surprising on how much you can learn about someones life in the span of a twenty minute drive.


When I got to the mechanic, I then realized how kind and genuine everyone had been. I will always believe in the kindness of people and this experience just re-affirmed it.

The next day I awoke in my Econo-Lodge hotel room, fully slept and ready to take on the world.  The mechanics called to let me know that my car was ready and as I got to my coffee destination with ideas in my head, I sat down to make an alternate plan that wouldn't leave me in a similar situation of break down.  So, with thought and conversations with parents as well as loved ones that I was going to visit, I made the decision to go up north to my father's cabin and spend the rest of Memorial Day weekend there.   The detour really came when I found myself at dinner in Minneapolis with old friends. Sitting there in the presence of two of the most phenomenal people I know, mean while making new friends with people who had joined us, I became fully conscious that a plan had came about that was perfect in which I made not one decision.  As dinner was ending, I realized that the main purpose of this trip was to get myself together as well as to connect with close friends going through similar situations.  It wasn't the friends I originally thought I would see and surely staying the night in a strange city wasn't the way I thought I would collect myself, but it was exactly what I needed.  As I was going to bed that night in the hotel room, my friend Dina texted me, "it's all working out in a perfect way!" It really did. 

This scene is from one of my favorite movies, Threesome.  It is the closing scene where the lead talks about his college experience and how detours, both literal and metaphorical, can be extremely magical and sometimes the best part of our journey.
 

The Course of a Year

It’s Tuesday, December 13th. We’re on the stretch of the twelve days of Christmas and into the final stretch of 2011. Where does that leave me?

I am normally someone who reflects often but I never really spend a ton of time reflecting on the past year as we approach New Years. For some reason, this year just seems to be different. I am in a spot right now that I had never imagined when I began this year. Where I would be was undefined, but I was confident that it wouldn’t be working a restaurant job in my home town. That, unfortunately, saddens me a little and it shouldn’t. I have no reason in the world to be sad and that is why it is necessary for me to do a check on what I have accomplished, have had huge hurdles with, and how have evolved in that span of three hundred and sixty-five days.

Before we reflect on the past year though, I believe it to be extremely important to look at what we know for certain that the next year will bring. I know for a fact that I will be turning thirty-two next year and have to deal with whatever that means to me. I know that I have some really extraordinary people in my life getting married which include my close friend Beth and my cousin who has always been another sister to me.

In April I will be returning to Los Angeles in the hopes of making it to a point where I am able to live as a self employed person who can contribute the absolute most possible to society. That move also has the motive of making steps forward on the opportunity to live not only in Los Angeles, but in Madison, WI as well. In my adulthood, I truly know how difficult it is to not be near your family. Not just your biological family, but your entire family that you pick up along the way while traveling our journeys.

I also know that in 2012, there will be everything that I didn’t mention. It is equally important to acknowledge there is so much room for everything we don’t know will happen. Our journey is the meat and that meat is everything that is unexpected, not forethought and comes up in the details. Knowing that you haven’t planned everything and there is room for the unplanned is comforting. Find comfort in the year to come knowing that things will happen that we are not prepared for and that we will have the tools to handle it; whatever it may be. Acknowledging these future events can better help me think about this past year.

Today I got three remarkable things in the mail: A post card, a Christmas post card and a Christmas card. The significance of this mail is who sent them. I speak of inspiration often and this mail has brought me inspiration from how strong and amazing these people are who mailed them to me. In the last year, they have all went against some life-breaking obstacles and have came out better because of them. That is inspiring.

The post card came from Korea. One of my past employees from Starbucks made a decision on a whim when a friend invited her to come stay with his family in South Korea, nanny and teach English. With no preparation except the drive for new experiences and adventure, she said yes only having two months to make sure everything would be put in place in Los Angeles.

The Christmas post card came from one of my closest college friends and her family. The picture is her, her husband and their beautiful baby boy, Catcher. This last year she finished graduate school on the east coast, picked up everything with her new family and moved across the country saying good bye to the life they had built and some phenomenal human beings they had met while living in the north east.

The Christmas card that I received today was from a friend down south. She had a rollercoaster of a year that gave her some great steps forward revolutionizing an arts community that is already ahead of its time. She has taken a chance by putting herself out there for a man who is near the level of brilliance she is; all this happening in the midst of losing a job in a career path she had put her whole being into. This has not stopped her one bit, and has used it as an opportunity to create exactly what she wants for her life. Her journey is only ten times stronger because of this hiccup.

As I look at my year, I spend time looking at answers to the question why? Why did I give up my nice salaried job in Los Angeles? Why did I throw all of my money into the opportunity to travel and meet people throughout the country? And, why have I continued to take a chance on a media company that needed a lot more work than I could give to it this last year? Well I look at the events of this past year and find all of these answers and so much more.

I find the answers in the moment I was on top of the world, or just on the roof of a restaurant in Saint Petersburg, FL watching the sunset, listening to a man play music watching three older women dancing having the time of their lives. Again I find answers watching my friend Alyssa give her whole self while listening to painful story after painful story when we were in Tuscaloosa. Not blinking or turning away, just listening, reminding me of the importance of listening.

I remember my phone going absolutely crazy the morning I made the Today Show and everyone was facebooking, calling and texting me to tell me they saw me. Answers came from my surprising cab drive at seven in the morning in New Orleans, learning a valuable life lesson from a New Orleans resident for the entirety of his life. This twenty minute cab ride in search for beignets will forever be in my mind.

The moment I realized I was taking spiritual responsibility for my god daughter in Las Vegas and then later sitting with close friends discussing music from our past hits me with answers as does getting picked up at the Milwaukee airport in a snow thunderstorm in the middle of April by Melanie for her birthday. Later that week, I got the opportunity to experience a ride along with the keeper of the Kishwaukee Corridor in Rockford, IL.

I am not only given the answers but am reassured of the path I am on when I think about Dina and I doing our two year anniversary show in Los Angeles. Having created this experience with one my best friends is reason why all by itself. Reassurance is sitting on a stopped train for six hours on the way to New York because of tornadoes knocking over trees onto the tracks. This “delay” gave me the opportunity to have an in depth conversation with a mother of two just trying to get back home to Raleigh. I am further reassured by the spontaneity of life when a random trip to the only bar open in Beaumont, TX introduced four tired travelers to Rhonda, a drag queen who just needed to get out that night.

I remember sitting listening to Arlene Goldbard talk at the APASO conference in Austin and knowing I was exactly where I should be as well as when I met Jo in Tampa. Her story of traveling for so long on the sailboat, her journey with Yoga and running the Olympic torch is something of legends.

Whether it was sitting in the car on a trip to Las Vegas with a toddler, late night recordings on skype, waiting for Matt to get me at Penn Station, finding out the ins of the EPA and adventures of free D.C., getting a surprise travel companion to Baltimore, seeing behind the scenes of Cirque Du Soleil, wading through the beautiful and untouched by man Hurricane Creek, experiencing the demonstrations in St. Paul for gay marriage, or an afternoon impromptu photo shoot with a close friend, I have been given all of the answers to the questions why from this past year.

I am thankful for all of these moments and am eternally grateful for each one as well as everyone that was involved. I laugh at how some of these memories really were so time-sensitive and just worked out. Getting a moment with Holly literally minutes before she got on a flight to India, getting a lunch with Michael as he was driving from one show sight to the next and just sitting with Adam while he was home from Dubai.

The distance from the beginning of a year to the end of one is so short that we need to cherish and reflect on this distance so we can appreciate what has happened and what will come. The beginning of this year was sitting at Big Wangs in Hollywood as Dina and I watched our phones patiently for the launch of our online magazine. In the life movie in my head, that is a significant scene, as well as an impromptu country music concert with Dolly and April and my staff being so supportive just last night, as we had an event that did not produce the turn out I had expected. The pictures and moments with my staff make this year’s journey whole. I was supposed to have this experience back home with the group of people I had it with.

I could go on and on with moments and experiences from this last year, but that is not the only reason why this journey is significant. For me, even though it is a bit selfish, I was to get to know myself better. In observing and experiencing our country, I inevitably got a chance to view myself in a more clearly defined light. I needed to get to know me for who I am and get a better idea of how I am perceived from the outside. I needed to take some time and see if the view from the outside matches who I claim and think I am. All these experiences help to make that assessment on this gigantic integrity check.

As for the rest of the year, I will continue to look at the goals I have made and setting up a plan of action into getting those goals fulfilled. While finding comfort in the balance of who I want to be and who I am from the outside world, I need to still make sure I am being productive and moving forward. I additionally need to take time to recognize those who have supported and been inspirational to my past year. That is necessary as I move forward. Those people responsible for me getting this far need to know how impactful they have been because it is true, WE ARE ALL INVOLVED! This was not the journey of one person.

As the New Year approaches, I want to go further with the WE ARE ALL INVOLVED campaign by turning my resolutions into acts that include a larger amount of people than just me. I ask that if this inspires you, that you also involve others in your resolutions. Stray away from losing ten pounds and reading more and turn it into getting a walking group together who meets at lunch, or creating a youth reading program. This is the direction we need to be evolving; from me to we. To become stronger and healthier as a community, we have to be united and start watching out for one another. It is that level of social responsibility that will get our dreams accomplished as a whole entity and raise the level of brilliance even higher for our entire species. It is a simple statement that has become my mantra.

WE ARE ALL INVOLVED!

Dealing with Integrity and Personal Truths

I’ve been thinking a lot about the truths that I know to be valid in my life. I know it sounds odd, but one of the only things that I can absolutely say I know for certain about getting older is that we start collecting a list of personal truths. This list doesn’t necessarily have to be true to other people, but they are true to one’s self. As I write this, I am enjoying one of my personal truths: That is, that I know when I need to be in a very melancholy yet inspired mood, all I need is a little Sade and a bottle of pinot nior. This has been this way for years and I know that about myself.

As I was going for an enjoyable autumn hike today, I started thinking about how life sometimes just isn’t the way we plan. I do feel that there is a great role for us all and sometimes we don’t take the most direct route of getting there but right now, I can’t figure out where my route is going. Before I get into this whole topic, I must ensure you that this is not a pity parade or some sort of self-inflicted guilt show; it is only to share what I have learned in this experience and hopefully gives a sense of security to someone else out there reading this.

Last January, I signed on to a great load of new work that would bring me into the next chapter of my life. It was December thirty-first and almost midnight and Dina and I were ferociously working on getting our first month’s edition of Dign2it Magazine. After that, we officially turned our Dign2it name into an LLC and started our media company. Much of these efforts are applauded to my friend and partner Dina. She took on such a burden by getting all of our paperwork set and filing all of the necessary papers to the proper offices. None the less, we got our company up and running.

At this same time, I was to set on my journey of Project Kinect. I put all of my belongings in storage, set a course to Las Vegas and then Austin, TX and then where ever from there. The purpose for my travels was to find out how people are connecting one-on-one and how these people, making up a plethora of different communities, are taking action to better them and their communities. This journey brought me all over the south and the east coast. I spent some time in Tampa and Saint Petersburg, Baltimore, New York, D.C., Connecticut, Rockford, Tuscaloosa, Minneapolis and many other significant places. I was on the Today Show, heard so many horrible sad stories and got the opportunity to hear stories of triumph. Despite the state of my current location, this journey is far from over.

While I was travelling, I was also working on helping our magazine grow and find ways to build our business. With me not in Los Angeles to help, it became almost a burden than a new opportunity on both Dina and I. We are still extremely motivated and moving forward, but the lack of day to day support grows heavy on our shoulders and success is taking a bit longer than we had hoped. Isn’t that how it always is though?

In all of this though, we celebrated her birthday in LA, we put on an amazing two year anniversary show of The Dina and Gregg Show and are expanding our media company into a great new venture. That is something to really celebrate as we go into our third year on air.

In June, all this greatness came to a halt. I was in Tuscaloosa, AL helping out with tornado clean up from the April twenty-fifth tornados that flattened much of the city and surrounding area. When I returned to Wisconsin to get centered, I realized that there was no more money in the center and I picked up an opportunity to make some money helping out a good friend at her new restaurant. Starting out as a summer gig to get back on my feet and continue with my journey on Project Kinect, it has now become a six month, rent a house and stick out the winter kind of set up. I love what I am doing and love that it is helping out the big picture of a friend’s dream but I can’t help to feel left out of my own life and in a huge space of idle back story that isn’t moving me forward.

So, I sit here in Wisconsin with a huge space in my heart and a huge lack of integrity. The space that is there is both positive and negative. It is a space that wasn’t there because my plans for the entire year were so set in stone. Now that I am here for these six months, I have space to work on some other things that would not have necessarily had the time to focus on them. Because of this new space, I have made a lofty list of goals that I will have accomplished by the time I leave. Some more personal and some are extremely business oriented to help all of my endeavors along.

This lack of integrity thing though is where I am having the major issues. I am not someone who just stops doing something and falls to the wayside on projects he sets out to accomplish so when I face the fact that I have stopped Project Kinect because I need to make money to go on, well that goes against what I said I would do if I got into this position. It goes against me saying that I would be out on the road for one entire year, nonstop, helping out and getting other people’s voices heard. I have failed at that goal.

I know, you are thinking “well, things happen. We all have to do what we have to do sometimes.” That is a help but I have so many beautiful loved ones who are supportive and tell me those same things. Well, I don’t need that right now. I need someone to hold me accountable to what I said I would do and say “Why the hell are you not doing it?” and tell me “Not good enough” when I answer them.

Unfortunately I don’t have anyone else to share this with right now because life is nonstop and the friends I can share with can’t understand and the friends that could understand have more pressing issues so that is why I am sharing it here, on my personal blog that doesn’t get read very often. It is out there and can be received by whomever, however, whenever.

I spent some time in Los Angeles working and partaking in the Landmark Education program. The most important thing that I took away from these great experiences is that once we admit that we have lost integrity, we can regain it by restating our intent and then continuing to do what we say in that intent. I have always felt that I have great integrity and that makes these feelings about what has happened in the last ten month even worse. However, with this knowledge, I can re-state my plan, and follow through with that new plan; always keeping in mind that the universe has it’s influence too.

Now that I am honest with myself, with my integrity and my plan in line, I go to the things that I have known to be absolutely true in my thirty years on this planet. We are always trying to know ourselves better, that is the bottom line. We do it in different ways like finding our soul mate, getting that perfect career, always finding a way to lead so people can be amazed by you and so on. Right now though, while I am getting through this rough part, I will go back to what I know are absolute truths in my life like Sade and red wine. It really can be that simple some times.