It happens to us all

It happens to all of us; That moment where there has been a change in our lives and we refuse to accept it for anything but the largest travesty on the face of the earth. For me, it was my 22nd birthday sitting in Shalice’s car at 5a.m. bawling my eyes out because I was gay. Well, not so much because I was gay as opposed to the fact that I was bad at it and I was never going to find love. Keep in mind, I was 22 and had only come out of the closet to everyone 2 months prior.
I was talking to my friend Betty a few days ago, and we got talking about how much we missed of each other in the last ten years. It got me thinking about what people specifically missed out on and there really are complete parts of my life that are unknown to people back home. I mean, its obvious that this is something that happens in all of our lives but to actually acknowledge it, that makes it become alive.
This moment with Shalice, from a birthday I don’t remember too much about, is a reminder that my friends back home didn’t have a whole lot to do with me coming to terms with being homosexual. Yes, they definitely had moments, like Dolly leaving me in Madison that one Christmas break so I could go with that guy from Chicago. Those moments they got back home, but for the most part, they didn’t get the loneliness, and the confusion like Shalice, Tara, and the rest of the Vegas crew did. That is something that I will always be in their debt for. Especially to Keith, for bearing the gay bars with me with no safety net. I bet his ass still tightens up when he hears Deborah Cox’s voice.
As for that moment though, Shalice stayed with me until I pulled myself together and was done whimpering “I don’t want to be gay”. That right there is full reason enough to realize that being gay is no choice. No person chooses to sit in a car for hours, crying their eyes out, because they chose to be attracted to the same sex.