So tired

I've been so tired these last couple days because I'm still trying to catch up on sleep from an amazing weekend. I am so lucky and grateful for everything I have and yet, I just want to crawl into bed. I do want to say how entertaining today has been. I have had run ins with some great new friends, some great new people have been met, and I connected tonight on facebook with a couple old friends. I'm pretty lucky and now I'm off to bed. First though, I want to leave you with this great Paul Abdul video from the nineties. I heard it this last weekend and I forgot how much I loved it. I'll have the pictures up tomorrow from my trip. It was a fantastic trip.

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GBqDN3lK6E&feature=PlayList&p=6E0C3C6D7A86894D&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=4

Every trip home gets heavier

By this, I just mean that I am beginning this amazing day, here to celebrate Joe and Kristin, and I'm thinking how difficult it is to think that I will be back in LA on Monday. There just isn't enough time and It gets more difficult each time to say good bye. Any way, I'm off. I'm in the middle of a marathon...... well, metaphorically.

More about this new book

I finished my movie today and was going to go write in Barnes & Noble. I decided not to stay, then thought I'd walk through the biography section but as I was walking, a kid ran through, I ran into the shelf and saw this book....... If I Live To Be 100 by Neenah Ellis. Now I can't put it down. Most of the time, we pick out a book but this book, it picked me.

Here is a couple other thinks I wanted to point out today..

The first is this article in the New York Times Magazine's interview with Eminem.... Its worth reading. http://http//www.nytimes.com/2010/06/20/magazine/20fob-q4-t.html?src=smt3

The second is a little comedy from about 15 years ago. I was with a bunch of people this weekend and we got talking about these sketches

And Finally, here's an indulgent movie that I cannot wait for... Have a productive Monday everyone.

Lets talk about friends...well, a couple of them

This weekend has been spent mostly in thought and as an observer. It’s been nice. I spend so much of my life as an active participant, even when observing, that a weekend like this was perfect. Much of it was spent thinking about my friends. Who are these people? Why is it that I am so lucky that they have been continuous players in my life and not just characters that play a part and are off. Trust me, there are many of those people, but a significant amount of them have come and stayed planted. Of course, I don’t see them or talk to them as often as I wish I could, but they are there and are felt. I can be candid with this because it is truth. When it comes to friends, I have been blessed: Seriously blessed.

This next weekend is another one of my closest friend’s weddings. This is the catalyst for this thought process in this time of observation. Not only have I been lucky to have him in my life for so long, but he’s been like my brother. He is the closest thing to a brother that I have besides my own brother, whom I cherish and love with my whole heart. This wedding though will be bringing together a group of people who I met twelve years ago and spent an amazing week in The Dominican Republic with January of 2000. One of these people though, has been extremely special to me since the day we met, and I am confident she feels the same. This brings me to the first major point of the weekends saturated observing. Some people are meant to be in your lives and if you didn’t meet when you did, you would have met at some later point!

I find this to be exactly true about Jen G. I was a freshman in the dorms at UW Eau Claire and my roommates and I decided to have a party. Well, of course it got busted and with all of the under aged drinking happening, tickets were being passed out like candy at Halloween. When one gets a drinking ticket in the dorm, one must take a class taught by the hall director. My class was full of the under agers who happened to be in my room that night. One of them was Jen G. and we began our friendship. We were fast friends and that winter break, I found myself in her home town meeting her family and friends; one of them being Joe, who’s wedding is next weekend. Well, we have been friends ever since and it’s as most great friendships, that if we don’t talk in a while, it doesn’t mean we’re not friends, it just means that we’re busy and life is happening. Now, fast forward 7 years after I had left UW Eau Claire.

I’m on the square in Madison, WI, at the farmer’s market, shopping with Alyssa. I find flowers for my mother, purchase them and move on with my morning around the square. In the middle of talking about my preparation to move back to Los Angeles, I get a poke on the shoulder. Not because someone saw me who knew me, but because they wanted the exact flowers that I bought and had been following me to possibly get them off of me.

As I turn around to see who it is, I realize that the face is familiar: It’s Jen G. This is proof that she was suppose to come into my life; If not in college, then here, on a Saturday morning, at the farmer’s market in Madison, WI. Life is so funny and we just forget sometimes that certain things were just meant to be. Jen was with her mother and grandmother and we laughed so hard at the situation. She didn’t get the flowers from me by the way.

The other idea that popped up in my mind is that a new sustainable friend sometime has a relevance to the change that is happening in your life. That seems obvious, but it is fantastic to take interest in the correlation that the two have. This is to be said with my wonderful siren Lindsay. When we met, I had just moved to LA for the first time, and had no clue what or where I was going from there.

I got home from work one evening, after waiting tables for 8 long hours at The Cheesecake Factory, and walked into a small group of people on my roommate Ryan’s bedroom floor, organizing receipts. Ryan had just finished a film and he was working on getting everything tax related organized for when January came. I chatted for a second and then volunteered to assist on this somewhat teidies process. Lindsay was one of those people, and that is how we met. It was an insignificant night, performing an insignificant task, where I was attempting to mop up all the knowledge I could from these young industry savvy beings. That was an evening that got my wheels turning to open my eyes to what else I could accomplish and an evening where I met someone who would be my friend for a very long time. I find it so unique on how some of the most influential people in our life are introduced so generically.

Well, I’m going to go back to reading my new book. It is called “If I live to be 100” and the author is Neenah Ellis. I haven’t put it down other than twice. Once to buy it and drive home and the second was so I could write this entry. Have a wonderful Sunday night everyone.

Smells

We all know how certain smells bring us back to moments in our lives. Chocolate, rain on the hot black top, cow shit... Well, these last few days, I've been having so many memories come back with smells of my grandma's house.

Tonight we finished up recording the next Dina and Gregg Show and when we were leaving Rich and Sayra's house, it smelt like summer, sitting outside on the deck, at night at grandma's. A couple days ago I got home, and walked in my apartment and it smelt like grandma's house completely. I did my laundry last weekend and when I put it away, again grandmas'. I'm not sure if there is a chemical that is picking this stuff up, or something in my subconscious that needs that sense of self, but its there and it keeps coming out.

That is all I have for tonight. I just thought that I would share that. Keep in close touch with all of your senses. Our bodies are our indicators that we need something. We mustn't forget that. Good night.

Day 14....Acceptance

This last weekend was Los Angeles Pride, its now Wednesday morning and I am now writing about what was suppose to be reported on Monday. I am acknowledging my lack of integrity on this and filing it for "in the past" and moving on. It's now, Wednesday, 10am and I am loving life.

There was a point during our live show on Saturday night that I realized I constantly look into the forward and do not accept what is happening in that moment. I discussed that in my last entry but that really was a huge eye opener. Live in the moment and anticipate what may come up in the future, but don't live in the future.

This journey hasn't given me any answers to what am I suppose to do. Or, my calling is this and I'll be happy when I get that. That wasn't expected in this endeavor. I wanted to get to know myself better was the bottom line and I did. I think I got much more acquainted with myself than I imagined. Here are some examples why.

My day job, which there are aspects that I love, also contains aspects that I despise and make me want to get out immediately. This two week trip has made my job a little more bearable and has reminded me that it is just one part of my life, but is part of my life. It isn't separate from or in addition to, it is part of it and I can change it at any time I choose.

Another way this journey has helped is with my finances. In my early twenties, I was not fiscally responsible and because of it, lack of money scares me tremendously(like most of us) but what has been unveiled to me now it that living with in your means doesn't mean living with out, we just have to me more specific and intelligent with our decisions and purchases. It goes along with needs and wants. What is absolutely necessary and what doesn't always have to be in our possession. This obviously stems further than finances though.

A key thing to getting the equilibrium right with our needs and wants, is that when they are met in us, even for just a moment, we get a piece of clarity and can accomplish greatness. That is where we are most accessible to inspiration. That is when we create.

On Sunday, when I got home, I was so exhausted from the weekend that there was no way I could finish this voyage. I then worked on Monday, got done, replied to all of my emails and called almost everyone back, but once I was done, I was done. I had to get some sleep. Then yesterday, very similar happenings but today, I woke up with the need of sleep and rejuvenation met. I got up, wanted coffee, and came to Peets. The want was then met. Now, with music in my ears (need) and energy (need), I am getting this done to a point where I am extremely proud of it. I am also inspired to get it done. Inspired by the June Gloom, inspired by everyone else around me working on their stuff, and inspired by the group of people that have been following me through this journey. You all are amazing people that have helped me through this more than you will ever know.

Just one quick note about inspiration though: It isn't always around and we discussed the importance of being able to have it on hand when none is around. Just ask, What inspires me?

Speaking of that, on Monday at work, one of you beautiful people who are following me made me realize something in life that has to happen while "life" is going. Fun, Gossip, the fruit of it all. The juiciness that entertains us. Before there was TMZ, movies, brothels, Roman fights, there was plain old gossip, and as long as it isn't in a malicious fashion, it is essential for us to keep going. That conversation with my friend made me realize this as a belief. That is what follows us in inspiration, beliefs. Once we're inspired, we are opened up to ourselves and can really see, with focus, what we believe in. With our beliefs, which can be changed at any time because we change, sometimes daily, we can hold ourselves accountable.

Beliefs are choices that allow us to measure life as it is happening. It can keep us in a direction or allow us to create a new path. We're lucky if we know what we believe because no one can take that away from us. It is just like our voice. No one can take those things away.

Beliefs not only hold us accountable, but they also keep our integrity in tact. The unfortunate thing with me losing time and ability in the final days of this was that I couldn't share more with you what I was putting on the line every day. Things that really meant something and had some weight. I did lose integrity with some of them but I acknowledged them, and then moved on because that is what we can do and that keeps us in the present; not in the past upset because we didn't keep our word.

The final thing is acceptance. Accepting that we are just human beings. We are people that mess up, that lose our way, that accomplish amazing things, and that love. My most valuable belief is in humans. I believe in people and that we always, even not if it is until the time of judgement, will do the right thing. We really don't want to harm other people, unfortunately its a battle that is inherited to us at the moment of birth. Deep down though, we want greatness for everyone.

Accept who you are, and what you can change. Accept that you can change if you want to but also accept that you, who is reading this right now, is absolutely beautiful just the way you are.

Thank you all for following me through this!!!

Days 11,12, and 13

The thing that has been plugged into my head the last three days is condense and security. Not confidence in myself, well that always helps, but confidence in the idea of if you keep focused and in the direction you want to be going, be confident that you will get to where you're going. With security, its being secure that you're making the decisions you want and need and are inspired to make. If it doesn't work out, then you can make new decisions. Be secure and confident in what you're doing, when you're doing it, with the verve and passion you're doing it with.

The last few days have been phenomenal days. I have always loved the life I'm living, but in the last couple days, I'm really conscious of who I am, where I've been, and where I'm going. Day 14 will have a lot of detail in this, but what I can say before I run off to work more for Hot Talk LA at LA Pride is that when you begin to think forward on "whats next?" and "oh my god, I've got to get this done!", stop it and look at the moment you are living in that exact second. You'll never get that moment back again and if you're not living in it to enjoy it, then well one must think, how much of your life are you missing if you easily missed that second?

I love you all. Have a wonderful Sunday. I look forward to finishing up my 2 week journey tomorrow. Questions haven't quite been answered, but there is a whole lot of clarity.

Day 10..... not to much to add

I came home after a long day and watched "The Blind Side" and found tons of inspiration. I also had just a great day. Not a lot of hoopla, and no parade, but just a good day. Here is something for you to laugh at though. Have a great night.

http://http//www.hottalkla.com/htla/index.php?option=com_content&view=section&layout=blog&id=25&Itemid=203

Day 9.... Integrity

If you ever get a chance to ask a group of people to define integrity, you'll get an extremely diverse set of responses. A few will entail high upstanding morals. Some that include being honest and doing good. Well that really is all just rubbish. The bottom line of integrity is doing what you say. The dictionary adds the words "morale principles" but that is subjective to who or what is owning the integrity.

The integrity of my lungs is to breath and pass oxygen into my blood stream. The integrity of my patio door is to let light in, allow for air to come in the house and act as another entrance. It does this. Why is it that we as humans fail horribly at integrity? We do, to our loved ones, to our friends, and especially to ourselves.

In an earlier day, I mention my work with Landmark Education. Another one of the largest points that the organization makes is that without integrity, we can't get very far because we're unreliable. I agree very much with this idea, but mostly when it comes to ourselves.
When looking further into it, I suggest reading this exert from Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy. The parts that I really suggest are sections #1 and #2 on Integrity as Self Integration and The Identity View of Integrity http://http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/integrity/

When I think about losing integrity in my life, I see the largest aspect is myself. I let myself down so much that it's scary. I do it so often that I don't even notice it. I, with a blink of the eye will change plans, will sleep in a little later than I originally said and not run, write, or call someone that I really wanted to speak to. This is a travesty because even though I still am there for others, I can never truly be there for them because I am not there for myself. Then, with that, I lose honesty with myself and trick me into being OK with these ideas, actions, commitments I failed on, for myself. I am putting myself last in so many aspects of life and as long as I continue to do that, I won't be in that great career, in that relationship with a man who is deeply in love with me and my future for anything contains no worth with this habit.

I happen to be an over analyser and also know myself well. Maybe a little too well because the realization of putting myself last isn't a new concept to me. It probably isn't a new concept to any of us, but now is when it has to resonate because now is when I am making this life choice to make sure I do what I say for myself. To do this, for this following week, I am going to begin the day by declaring something I am going to do that has some sense of importance to me that is beyond the basic, "I'm going to get to work on time" or "I'm going to eat healthy at dinner tonight". Don't get me wrong, those are extremely important but for the duration of this path, there must be a little on the line. The outcome of it has to measure up but still be reasonable. My first one will be I am going to submit to 5 new literary agents tomorrow!

There we go, something that weighs a bit, has purpose and can definitely has something on the line.

Once we make this daily declaration, throw it up against our beliefs, wants and needs. How does it look? Is it something that engulfs them or does it just not match. Then, after we've done what we've said, journal it somehow, whether it is in a journal, or just in a planner or a phone call to a friend. Make sure that doing this thing, no matter how small, is celebrated. What did it do for you? How did it make you feel?

Have a great night you amazing people.

Day 8, a day late

Yesterday was a day of catch up. Catch up with work, catch up with sleep and digest everything that is happening with this journey. One of the best things about this two week process is that I've been able to connect with some amazing friends that I know extremely well but for some reason, don't always have conversations about pure passion and personal beliefs. These are people that I adore and I was able to listen to them discuss new things that I haven't ever knew about them. Maybe I knew this at one point in our relationships, but we all grow and evolve and those feelings and beliefs change.

I want to take a quick moment now, before we get into the next week and review what we have established so we can identify where we've come so far and where this next week is going.

On Day 1 I read the article talking about finding happiness in ones career. It worked as a catalyst for thought about how does the career set in our lives? What is the influence that it has on our lives and how do our lives impact our career? Are we fulfilled with it.

On Day 2 I was focused on commitment to this endeavor and recognition of what is going on in my life. In making recognition, I was being honest with myself and my life in order to grow and give myself direction. I began connecting with people who I felt really found passion in their life including their careers.

On Day 3 there was tremendous focus on opening up and self discovery. There was an investigation on areas of interest and wants for my life recently, consistently and in the past.

There was a final thought, at 5am, that I will not settle for mediocrity.

On Day 4 it was all about wants and needs. The difference between them and how to acknowledge them both in order to fulfill them both. These lists are important for when we begin to think about integrity, beliefs, and inspiration.

On Day 5 it turned out to be a great exercise on where does inspiration stem from? Once we find it, and how to access it when there is none to be found. We have to recognize that sometimes inspiration isn't around so that we are not surprised by this when it happens. We then can access it from other avenues that we are confident that contain it. This thought process also led to spirituality and the important role it plays in in our lives, not just for communion, finding balance and focus, but also inspiration.

On Day 6 I spent a lot of time observing and trialing my beliefs up to my observations. I also set up a model for how I really want my day to day routine to be. I made the most out of day 6 and saw all the wonderful aspects that I love in my life in it that are already there.

On Day 7 I focused on making my own personal list of beliefs. These are things that are not written in stone, if they don't work for me, I can make new beliefs, or add to these, but they are a way to keep my focus and hold myself accountable to what is going on with my wants and needs. This whole week, I was still connecting with people who I admired, and adding to my lists. Day 7 was also a day to compare my beliefs in my life. Not large events, but basic, every day choices.

There you have it, where I've (we've) come in a week. As we get into day 9, we will discuss accountability and integrity. Especially integrity with ourselves because as I go through this, I am noticing the one person that I keep letting down is myself. I do not do what I say I will do for myself. That makes me so........ well, we'll get into that on day 9.

Good Night everyone.

Day 7....Part 2

Belief #3 Music makes everything better
*Music has the power to change a mood quickly and the ability to make diffusion have focus. It's something we can never forget. My mom and I have a unique bond with classic rock, and anytime I am a little down, she just says, "Go put on some Fleetwood Mac/Van Morrison/Heart/ect. and call me back in twenty minutes. Always better!

Belief #4 Sleep on it
*Sometimes you just have to let something sit for a conclusion or answer to appear. That's the truth.


So these are the beliefs that have come to mind while working on this. There may be more that come up, and I may not agree with one or all of these and may take them off. Since this is an exercise and there is no right or wrong answer, we can have it however we want. Now that I have some though, I am going to apply them to my list of wants and list of needs. How can these help this list? Does integrity play any particular role with the lists once my beliefs are added to them? Is there any clarity on how to obtain these items?

Before I say goodnight, I will tell you now what I will do with these. For the next week, while I am continuing to investigate myself and my surroundings, I'm going to constantly think about what I believe. In this, these ideas may change, but it will force me to hold myself accountable.

Tomorrow I will review the first seven days and talk about what my eyes have been opened up too. I will also talk a little about integrity and discuss how my day at work went while I applied my new declared beliefs.

Good night to you all. I hope your weekend was fantastic and you took care of yourself for a bit of it and were selfless for a different bit of it.

Day 7.... Part 1

Last Sunday, in San Diego for Christine and Garrett's wedding, we sat in the sun and drank beer for majority of the day before we moved onto Saki Bombs at dinner. Needles to say, I got extremely burnt. It was the most severe sun burn I have received since I was a teenager running around the water parks in Wisconsin Dells with no care in the world.
My point is, it happens to be a unique coincidence that this happened in this particular week because I am peeling on 85% of my body. The reason I am sharing this rather disgusting information is because of the metaphors that go around shedding. When a snake sheds it's skin, it is a sign that the animal is growing, is maturing, has a new skin underneath to reveal. When a dog or cat sheds it's fur, its the change of a season. In my case, it really is just a coincidence but a wonderful one that adds a physicality to what is going on in my life.
Last night I had Christine, Garrett, and Dina over for dinner, and through all of the fun that we had, we still got into conversation about hat is taking place in the four of us, as well as all of you following this 2 week journey. That doesn't even start to include the hundreds of thousands out there that are just sitting in limbo, waiting, searching and calculating what is next in their personal journeys.

Last nights conversation got me in the realization of my first belief for the rest of my life. Here it is declared...

Belief #1 Life is not meant to be separated into segments. It is one flowing movement that cannot be compartmentalized as much as we like to think.
*So, this is mostly focused on work vs life. But it can easily get added to the
rest of our lives. Work and life does not have to be segregated. Why would we want to
have that separate when we spend so much time of our life at work? I do realize that there
needs to be a separation between work and personal life when it comes to actual job
functions, but separate work and life and acknowledge the separation gives one more
worth and credit than the other. Both work and personal life are apart of the same life!
There, in making one part of your life have more value than another is where this belief
engulfs all of our life, not just our career.

There is a Broken Bells song called The Mall and Misery, and the first line in the song is "Use your intuition, its all you've got." There is a lot to be said about that ten syllable sentence. We all have an amount of psychic ability in us. Whether you believe this or not, its true. We are animals with instincts and sometimes this is our most useful tool. "What does your gut say?" We've all said it. We've all heard it. If something is not working in our life and we feel like we are always swimming against stream, we probably are. Your body knows things, we just have to give it the time to figure it out. This brings me to my next belief. Here it is declared.

Belief #2 Spirituality + Inspiration + Intuition = Everything
*Earlier this week, I related how spirituality leads to inspiration. Once in a while,
there is a lack of inspiration so we need to keep it cataloged. We have to know what
inspires us for those moments that we have no inspiration. Our spirituality(religion,
meditation, a personal philosophy, exercise, ect) will get us grounded, focused and will
enhance inspiration because not only does it give clarity, but it too will inspire us. When
then the spirituality and inspiration are added to our intuition when there is clarity, we
are able to gain knowledge about the hiccup, problem, issue, triumph, or obstacle that
we may have at that moment. We get everything!

This is quite a bit to digest, so marinate on it. I'm off to record our show and then I will continue with more......

Day 6....A Good Day

So, I spent a lot of time observing yesterday. I also spent the day as I would like all of my life to go. I created it, for myself, and it was wonderful. When going through this process, so many little things come up that we have to try to remember so we can encorperate them into our daily lives. The thing to remember from this day is that we have to do the work. This day would not have happened if I didn't do the work to recieve it. Just because the life we want is the life we benefit from and are most alive in doesn't mean it not going to take work. No matter what our state of being, life is going to be work and sometimes it is going to be difficult. If we do the work though, honestly and with verve, we will recieve the benefits from that. I want a life that I benefit from. I need a life that challenges me and rewards me and I believe and know we all deserve that, to any level we find ourselves.

Well, I'm going back to sleep for a couple hours. I found myself awake at 5a.m. and thought I would take this opportunity to write a little about day six. It will really all be in day 7 so I hope everyone is looking forwatd to it.

Day 5 Beliefs and Inspiration

Inspiration comes from so many different avenues. Unfortunately, it doesn’t come all the time, that’s why we have to be able to record what inspires us and be able to access it. While I was watching Grey’s Anatomy today, I realized that one of the reasons that I have been such an avid fan for such a long time is because I am always inspired by it and am able to go back to it and watch it again and again to get those feelings repeated. That is the main reason why such a show as Sex and the City are so popular. Yes, entertainment value is there, but so is inspiration.

Inspiration and Spirituality. There are of course, many reasons why we, as human beings are spiritual. It is a way to come together in communion. It helps keep us balanced and grounded and holds us accountable to the actions we take. Above all these things though, it inspires us. I must say, because for some of you reading that don’t know me as well, when I mention spirituality, it doesn’t necessarily mean religion. It can be religion, meditation, exercise, Wicca, or whatever. For me, it is Rilka’s Letters to a Young Poet. When I really get into the thick of life, I go back to it. I have been through probably, at least, twenty five copies. I give them away, write to much, or just get the most out of them. It is one of my touchstones.

This weekend I am going to log down my areas of inspiration, continue with what I believe in while mixing it up with my wants and my needs. At the end of the weekend, day 7, I’ll bullet point the week and have a full list of these topics. Once that is there, I have a funny feeling integrity is going to sneak its way in and we will throw that up against our lists.

The last part I want to write about stems from another T.V. show. I have recently fell in love with the show Parenthood, thanks to hulu.com, and the season finale paralleled this little journey. The matriarch of the entire family is going through the exact same thing that we are. It is just a reminder that this is a check and adjust system for our entire lives, not just now. The other thing that was mentioned was that you have to be actively participation in your life. I’ve taken quite a few courses with Landmark Education, and this is a reoccurring idea with that organization too. We cannot sit on the sidelines of our life. If we do, we will vanish and there will be no evidence of our existence.

Here is a little inspiration to leave you until day 6….. It is Ryan Adams song “Words” with a little of an additive.

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Day 4....Wants, Needs and Beliefs

In my line of work right now, I see a lot of people in just a short period of time. I see their different states of being, their attitudes, their focus for the day. I get all this in just a matter of seconds and then comes the presuppose: Do I let them continue with this until something else interferes, or do I take initiative and change it? I was blessed with an amazing gift to read people fast. Not necessarily who they are in life, but where their gage is at in more immediate moments. It comes in handy at work, as well as my life.

With this talent, I see what people want or need pretty quickly and can go off of that and change their attitude. This sounds fantastic because you may be thinking that I make peoples day and put them into a more grand mood. I do and I do this often. Unfortunately, when I'm exhausted or offended, it can just as easily go the other way. It rarely happens, but it happens.

I digress though. At work, I get to separate people's wants and needs. Both need to be manicured individually. A woman comes in, she WANTS a medium coffee, but she NEEDS to be told she looks fantastic. The coffee comes quickly with a smile and a warm greeting followed by, a muffin? The compliment comes with its own presentation. A pause, a look of focus, and "What did you do to your hair? It looks amazing!" Both want and need were met and her clarity comes for just a moment, but it's there. My question is, what happens when our wants and needs are met? Just a question, but one that needs to be answered with recognition, not a fanfare.

Thinking about all the people I see in a day, and what I'm working on with this search, I spent some time today thinking about what they think of there lives and how they would file it in "Where they should be?" An observer can really see the ones that love what they're doing, the ones that despise it, and the ones that aren't even aware that they don't have to be where they are. Just food for thought, but a lot can be said as an observer. It gives a chance to be objective and relate that to the subjective. As I continue to touch base with people, and check in with my beliefs, I'm going to take some time this weekend to just observe. Observe and relate.

Until I add to this later, after I eat some dinner, I'm going to leave you with one of my favorite videos or Rue McClanahan. She was a phenomenal actress that worked on one our most controversial shows in American television. The Golden Girls topics were groundbreaking and to think that three of them have past is sad. I thank them for sharing their talents.

Day 3. Part 2.

I just wanted to write a couple thoughts down before I go to bed. The passion that each one of us posses is inside us. We just have to touch base once in a while and give it space to grow. Once we do that, it propels us into inspiration, creativity, optimism and discovery. The difficulty here is finding the time to stop our busy lives and give it a little space and nutrients so that it can flourish. This passion is a living being that if not taken care of, will vanish.

No one ever prospers from taking the easy way. They may be happy, or believe they are happy but greatness in our world's history has never come from mediocrity. I choose not to lead a mediocre life. While this week continues into the next, I feel that I must go into my personal beliefs. How can we know what we are to do in life if we do not know what we stand for. It has been a long time since I actually took inventory in what I believe and hold to be true. That will be my exercise for tomorrow, to make a list of my beliefs. I will also reference a journal article I wrote from when I was in college.

Sweet Dreams everyone!!!

Day 3. Part 1... A walk through Barnes n Noble

I took a walk through Barnes and Noble with an open mind and no forethought. I was just wandering though to see if anything jumps out at me. I am acknowledging that there is something there that I maybe have not yet been introduced to. On the other hand, I am acknowledging that what ever the next step in my life is, that it really could be at my fingertips and I don't know how to access it. I was in a meeting earlier today and my regional director said a couple things that went along with what I am focusing on in my life. The one that left the imprint was "the journey isn't significant if you don't remember all of it". His context was completely different than how I am using it now but is still just as important. In order to get through this discovery, I have to acknowledge all of my journey. Again, even if it is one part of my life that is only going on for two weeks.
So far today, I did a couple other exercises. One of them was that I made two lists. One list was of things that I have always been interested in. When I say always, I am referring to topics in my adult life. Some of these include acting, music, organizing events, helping people, Eleanor Roosevelt,writing, Philosophy and classic poetry.
I then made a second list. This list is of topics that just recently, with in the last year, I have become interested in. Some of these include film editing, voice over work, fiction writing, radio work, photography, education, teaching abroad. Now, with both lists, I am looking back to my adolescence to see what of these lists have either carried over to now, have reappeared, or are brand new. The final thought in this exercise are there things from my adolescence that are missing; Ideas that were so strong to me when I was a kid that I thought would be so important to me as an adult that I wouldn't be able to live without? We'll see what happens from this.
The other exercise that I'll be continuing on through out this first week is getting a hold of the people close to me who love what they do and find out a little more about what it is that makes them love it and also how it contributes and enriches their lives. To leave you with Day 3, Part 1. Here are some of my pictures from Christine's wedding that I absolutely love.

Day 2 of my journey on what to do with my life

I know it may seem pointless to think that this will be figured out in 2 weeks. I completely acknowledge that it won't be. My hope though is that I have a little more understanding about what options are out there and what I may be interested in that I didn't even realize I was interested in.

I haven't been able to do a whole lot today other than find ways to make money in fields that I have already conquered. But, my plan has been more clear. For the next couple of days, I'm going to start contacting my friends, especially the ones who have established lives doing something that I am envious of. It may be travel, being a house wife, marketing, advertising or even psychology. What ever it may be, I want to spend some time getting to know why they are doing this and what makes them want to do it every morning when they wake up.

The other thing that I'll be doing in the next couple days as this journey goes on is utilizing the Internet as much as possible. Look at different cities and areas of the world. Do they have something there that we don't have here? Would we benefit from that particular thing? Do I find it interesting? Are there areas that have something I want to move for?

This project that I am doing is all about being peripheral. Getting myself out there and seeing what I can talk about and bottom line, find that inspiration. Don't get me wrong, this isn't stopping me from looking into the things I've already got going. Well, until tomorrow, here is my new favorite entrepreneur.